Originally published in ‘zine issue #7, 1993
Leave Me the Fuck Alone
by R. Mason
Recently I’ve pretty much decided I don’t give three fucks about the death metal scene, local or otherwise. I’ve seen a lot of backstabbing, shit talking, et cetera bullshit which has led me to the conclusion that a lot of the “scene” is comprised of a bunch of little boys attempting to prove their masculinity by their wannabe pseudo-Satanic bullshit, “fag bashing,” and shit talking. Not to mention that women in the scene are regarded as little more than meat. Sorry, guys—I sorta thought it was about digging the music. I guess I was wrong. Fuck, I’m not about to throw out my Bolt Thrower albums on account of a few assholes, though.
It’s just that going to see a death metal show usually consists of big, bad assholes in their way-cool Deicide shirts giving you dirty looks and people starting shit with each other for no apparent reason.
And these pseudo-Satanists piss the fuck out of me. These assholes who walk around with their pentagram shirts and upside-down crosses, claiming they’re into Satanism. Well, fuck them. As soon as death metal isn’t trendy anymore, their Satanic Bibles will be collecting dust in their fucking closets. Every time I see some worthless piece of fuck pretending he (and it’s always a he) is into occultism, I realize that the asshole would probably sell his worthless fucking soul to the fucking Pillsbury Doughboy if it’d earn him a few friends and some free pot. So to all of you who are making a big fucking joke out of others’ true occult beliefs (send away now for your free goathead decoder ring) to be accepted in this piece of shit death metal scene, just shove your Deicide records up your asses and slit your fucking wrists. The fucking end. ■
Why I’m Such An Asshole
by R. Mason
I’m writing this because I’m tired of people whining about how “harsh” (i.e., honest) my reviews tend to be. The typical argument goes that when someone gives a band a negative review, it is somehow equated with “not supporting the scene.” Well, if the dumbfucks who came up with that stroke of brilliance would put their Goatlord albums away long enough to think this through, they’d realize how fucking stupid that argument really is.
When ‘zines give lame-ass bands undeserved decent reviews, that gives one more mediocre band reason to keep going and there becomes an overabundance of pathetic excuses for bands in the scene. Whenever I ream someone a new asshole for sending us something that is obviously pure shit, it’s because I don’t want to see 10 million Deicide wannabees destroying the death metal scene with more bad music. It’s because I’d like to see death metal/grind around in five years, not for the sole sake of pissing off some stupid band in Fucksville, Idaho. I mean, sure, that’s fun and all, but that’s not the point.
If reviewers had more balls (or clit, whatever the case may be) and actually ripped apart bands who obviously deserve it instead of kissing ass to “support” (read: destroy) the scene, then maybe a lot of lame bands would give it up and spare us another pitiful demo of regurgitated Entombed riffs. The good bands would persevere and survive, and the Malicious Onslaughts of the world would die. And as a last note to all “positive, supportive” ‘zine reviewers who don’t know how to give a bad review, go fuck yourselves. You’re the reason death metal isn’t going to be around soon, not me. ■
Pulling Your Chain
by Vaughn Currier
Yeah, death metal’s dying. So is rap, hardcore, industrial, and so on. The thing is, music’s getting monotonous. How many times can we listen to the same riffs, beats, and tempos before we realize they’re the same?
My solution: musicians need to abstain, as much as possible, from playing in traditional time signatures, chord progressions, you know, all that generic theory mumbo-jumbo. Yes, there are quite good bands that play really cliché stuff and get away with it, but they are the exception. Sure, I guess sounding similar to your musical influences is awright, but try to get a lot more creative with it. I mean, there’s tons of really great bands out there pioneering their own sound, but for every one of them there seems to be a whole slew that isn’t. And this is sad. We must break away from sounding like the bands of the past, or music will be a boring part of people’s culture to come. ■