Originally published in ‘zine issue #34, 2005
Dating in the Swedish Metal Scene
by Parastoo Zeerat
Previous to her living in Sweden for six months, Parastoo lived and worked in Washington, D.C. She returned to the States in 2005 temporarily to iron out her residency status with Swedish immigration, but she didn’t leave Sweden before increasing her contacts in the metal scene there, already a friend of members of one well known Gothenburgian band. Aside from taking advantage of her stay by catching bands such as Entombed and Grave live and attending the Sweden Rock festival, she came away with more than one story to tell. Here Parastoo graciously describes situations one finds one’s self in when attempting to navigate dating in that land inside the Arctic Circle, the captivating Swedish metal scene.
I always thought the ritual of dating was awkward––meeting people at bars or shows, exchanging phone numbers, the wait before the first call. But meeting people and dating in a culture other than your own can be absolutely confusing.
I wasn’t going there to actively pick anyone up, or get picked up, but it just happens when you’re out and not visibly attached to someone else. Especially in Sweden, with a population of only nine million people in the entire country, fresh meat is a rare and coveted commodity. I got very mixed results at a bar, club, or show. Half the time I felt like Swedish guys were totally turned off by me: too foreign, too dark, too short, whatever. The other half the time I felt like some novelty must-have state-of-the-art gadget that just got introduced at Geek Con: oohs and aahs and lots of swarming and pointing. Of course, they could have been pointing and oohing and aahing ‘cause they were turned off, too.
In any case, most of the guys I met in friendly situations seemed relatively normal. I would see those same guys, however, completely transformed in a club or bar setting. Before my eyes they would turn into animals, asserting their sexual prowess––or lack thereof, for I hear that most Swedish guys are oblivious when it comes to pleasuring the opposite sex. Basically a quick hello, and then a “your place or mine, baby?” and off you go, hand-in-hand, for a quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. But, you might wonder, does it actually work on the women there? The answer is a resounding “yes!” The women also have the same nonchalant attitude as the men.
As if Swedish men aren’t unique enough, however, Swedish metal musicians are a breed of their own, Seemingly slick, sly, and oh-so-charming, these guys seemed to have no problem taking their time, probably because they had about eight other chicks on the side giving it to them already. We all know how most musicians can be, of course, always looking to get laid. In Swedish culture somehow it seems that all guys can play that role without being reprimanded. For them, it’s more a conquest of which they often can be proud than a genuine interest: “Let’s see who gets to bang the new girl first.” Be ready to be added to the ever-growing list of reserve booty when the next new girl comes along.
And with touring musicians, the next new girl isn’t far behind. The competition in this category is fierce, and Swedish women are no slackers when it comes to the glamor department (I won’t comment on their low mental capacity). The latest trends, beauty techniques, and embarrassing sacrifices, à la Brazilian bikini wax, money, time, and pain are no object to these women. Natural beauties beware.
But groupies or non-groupies, it all seems the same in the end. They’re all just vying for the same piece of Swedish metal ass. One thing I did notice, though, is that the girls don’t seem as bent on hanging on to that piece of ass like us Americans are. It’s every American groupie’s dream to be picked up by a member of Blink-182 for a one-night stand and then be proposed to the morning after, but Swedish groupies don’t seem to have that attachment. Sex is sex, a notch is a notch, and that’s that. Women are often as proud of their conquests as the men.
Since sex is so casual and girls just come and go in Swedish musician’s lives, it’s not uncommon to be set up with your ex’s, or not so ex’s, friend or bandmate or roommate. Be prepared to be passed around like a blunt at a Bob Marley concert.
“L.G. from Entombed and a bunch of the old punk scum came by drinking beer and being their normal obnoxious wonder selves and this girl from the U.S. I can’t remember the name of—who apparently shreds on guitar—was there and we kept bitching at each other whether Dave Mustaine was a whining tramp or not. We concluded he was, but also that he is a great artist no matter what.”
From Peter Dolving of The Haunted’s 2005 Winter European tour report, Stockholm, Sweden. Source: www.the-haunted.com
Foreigners are rare in Swedish metal, but we’re not non-existent. We seem to be accepted relatively well, though there’s a high cross-section of Swedish society that’s very anti-foreigner (true in every culture but Swedes aren’t very interested in hiding it). It’s only natural that this percolates down into Swedish metal society. I myself have only gotten one such vibe in the metal community during the time I was there, and it wasn’t even significant enough to note. As everywhere around the world I’ve been, metallers are a tight-knit community based around the music, and we leave the rest of the baggage at home. Hallelujah!
Back living in Sweden, Parastoo, when not going out to eat or listening to Unleashed and At The Gates, works as a web guru. Get in touch with her at www.parastoo-zeraat.com. ■
Photo: Parastoo, who apparently shreds on guitar (by Jason Hutto)
