Originally published in ‘zine issue #40, 2009

I played J.R. some records. Here are his first impressions of each.

Bloodsworn All Hyllest Til Satan
(Agonia)
Now that’s a metal riff. A little “Four Horsemen,” maybe, a little gallop? Oh, poopy black metal drum machine. You gotta have more than one riff in a metal song, you know what I mean? I don’t see what’s so dark about this shit. It just sounds bad. The chiming guitar sound; the treble’s all cranked up. Take this out. This is terrible. Can’t take it. ■

John Wilkes Booth Sic Semper Tyrannis 
(Triple T)
This kinda reminds me of Only Living Witness. Like a heavier Quicksand, post hardcore, all those Revelation bands, Orange 9mm, all that shit. Reminds me a lot of Rollins Band too, the way he’s kinda talk-singing the vocals a little bit. The guitars are fuzzy; that’s pretty cool. The drummer sounds like he’s listened to some Helmet records. This sounds like a band you’d see open for a band that you like, you know what I mean? Like, you go see Kreator at Jaxx and these guys are fuckin’ opening that show. This is alright. It’s not my thing. ■

Runemagick Voyage to Desolation/Dawn of the End
(Enucleation)
See, this looks like it’s gonna be black metal as hell, but it already doesn’t sound like black metal. The drums sound too good; the guitars have too much low end. It almost sounds like a Dick Dale riff or somethin’, like a surf riff. Oh, that’s got Jungle Rot written all over it. It’s not a total lost cause. I mean, it still shits over almost all the metal you’ll hear anytime recently, but it’s it’s just boring. It’s not my thing. Take it out. ■

“This sounds like a band youʼd see open for a band that you like.”

Rwake Voices of Omens
(Relapse)
I’m kinda biased ‘cause I like this band. I wasn’t crazy about this record, but it’s still a good record. ‘Cause I like the first album, too, but it was more like you were listening to the potential of the band than you were listenin’ to this great record. You were thinkin’, “This band could make a really good record, but it’s just not this record.” There’s a little bit of change up with the vocals, but the guitar players are really good. They come up with some creative stuff. You heard Thou, that doom band from New Orleans? They kinda remind me of this band, because the guitar players are the strength of the band. ■

Wino Punctuated Equilibrium
(Southern Lord)
The word “punctuated” isn’t very rock. Sounds like something Ron Keel would do, or … too funky for Dokken. I just mean it’s got that Night Ranger groove. There’s a million stoner rock bands you could prob’ly reference, but it’s just Wino doing his thing. It rocks like ZZ Top would rock or something. Your dad could rock out to this. Fuzzed out boogie stoner. This record is very Sabbath. Sabbath Sabbath Sabbath. ■