Originally published in ‘zine issue #35, 2006
I played J.R. and guest columnist Blake Midgette (ex-pg.99) some records. Here are their first impressions of each.
Decapitated Organic Hallucinosis
(Earache)
J.R.: These riffs are really dissonant. Sound like Rorschach riffs.
Blake: Or Discordance Axis riffs. Sounds like a drum machine.
J.R.: All the European death metal bands; their drummers all sound like drum machines. Irritating.
Blake: Technical, but doesn’t really have any feel at all.
J.R.: It’s aggressive, it’s death metal, it pummels. Right there––
Blake: That’s pretty fucking sick.
J.R.: That’s a good death metal riff.
Blake: That honestly sounds like something I’d write if I was in a death metal band.
J.R.: The singer is nothing special. The drums, like I was saying, most European death metal albums, it just sounds fake and triggered, which is frustrating. But you can’t argue with brutal riffs. I mean, you can try to argue with them, but you’re not gonna win.
Blake: No, you can’t win an argument with a guitar riff.
J.R.: No, you can’t. I mean, if the riff is brutal, then it’s brutal. If a death metal album’s got brutal riffs, then it’s probably gonna be a good death metal album. End of story. It’s what it’s all about. ■
Earthride Vampire Circus
(Southern Lord)
Blake: This sounds a lot like Clutch.
J.R.: I just hate it when you get exactly what you think you’re gonna get. As soon as I looked at this record, I coulda told you what it sounded like.
Blake: Wah-wah fuzz pedal. The singer just went “Uh.”
J.R.: I mean, there’s just a market for this type of shit.
Blake: These guys probably all look like Mitch Hedberg, and they have tight jeans on, and I can see the singer just like, microphone stand, head going back and forth next to it.
J.R.: That’s a nice little riff there, though. I like that riff. You gotta give credit where credit is due. This is pretty cool for the style.
Blake: I don’t really like this kind of music. I’ve had enough of it. They don’t do it as well as some of the other people.
J.R.: Somebody who does it well is somebody like Boris, ‘cause they change it up. They’re like The Melvins; they do weird shit. This is playing to a style. This is playing to a formula. It’s not terrible; whatever. I’ve definitely heard worse.
Blake: I definitely like the fact that the singer sounds like Motörhead. That’s the best thing I can say about it. ■
Jilted/Beyond Description split CD
(Forest)
Blake: [Jilted] sounds like it shoulda come out of Richmond. Like been on Vermiform or something.
J.R.: They’re from Italy, this band.
Blake: Total circle pit.
J.R.: It’s just crust, like punk, street hardcore, playin’ at Stalag 13 type of thing. It sounds good. The riffs are basic three-chord street punk.
Blake: It’s pissed off, strapped with energy.
J.R.: Wow, [Beyond Description’s tracks] sounds like their old shit. Come on, I need a mosh part. Dude, this song rules.
Blake: This is pretty awesome.
J.R.: I don’t know if it was their last record, but I bought one of their records at Reptilian. It was like, more midpaced, but if you play fast like [on this split], I’m gonna love it.
Blake: I really love the fact that they thank a band on here called Pile Of Trash.
J.R.: That’s a sweet name for a band.
Blake: I love that guy’s vocals.
J.R.: Yeah, his vocals are pretty awesome.
Blake: Sounds like a lot of the vocalists that you hear on Prank.
J.R.: Like His Hero Is Gone type shit?
Blake: Yeah, exactly. It sounds like it’s fuckin’ throat bleeding power.
J.R.: That’s what it’s all about. His Hero Is Gone, to me, is like the most evolved type of that kind of hardcore. It’s hard and it’s pummeling. I mean, that’s like state-of-the-art thrash. But these guys are Japanese. The Japanese always know how to do it right, you know what I’m saying? You never see shitty musicianship out of a Japanese dude ever. Like, we played with 324 in Japan, and Disgust, and both of those bands––the music’s really simple, but they play it right. They play it fucking dead on. ■
Pan For Punks A Steelpan Tribute To The Ramones
(Tracy Thornton Music)
Blake: You know what this reminds me of? When you go to Disney World and you go into one of those rooms, and you realize that they’re actually playing a real song, not just at the Polynesian luau, you know? And it’s like, whoa, this is the Ramones being played by a guy in a grass skirt.
J.R.: Well, the thing about the Ramones is like, it’s just great pop music. It’s not even punk, you know what I mean? The songs are perfect songs; you can do them a million different ways. I’m sure you could do reggae versions and they would fuckin’ rule. I feel like I could drive a bumper car to this.
Blake: I’ll say one thing: I’m pretty impressed. Do you know anyone who can play those drums anyway?
J.R.: It’s a dude doing Ramones covers with a steel drum. I mean, if that has any interest for anybody––
Blake: I’ll go ahead and say that guy probably has no friends, and as much as I thought that was funny and interesting, it was funny and interesting. ■
Severe Torture Fall Of The Despised
(Earache)
J.R.: I mean, this is like meat and potatoes death metal, straight up.
Blake: Yeah! That vocalist has got a set of nuts on him. It’s real repetitive, but it works.
J.R.: It’s by the book, and it’s on Earache. This coulda come out any year on Earache between 1988 and now. This style’s already been defined, but it’s good.
Blake: The production is a little muffled.
J.R.: You know, if you’re gonna do death metal, you have to be mean, and they’re pretty mean. At least they’re not boring, or at least it’s not boring so far.
Blake: Do they have any axes or spikes or anything?
J.R.: No, but they’re definitely European. Just look at them.
Blake: Yeah, dude, they look like fuckin’ Vikings.
J.R.: They’re not from Detroit. Their guitar player’s name is Marvin. That’s pretty fucking cool.
Blake: I’m actually pretty into this. This is good.
J.R.: It’s good death metal. They were awesome live. They did a fucking cover of this Pestilence song off Testimony Of The Ancients. It was fucking awesome. Dude was like, “We’re going to do some old death metal!” And everybody’s like, “Argh!” He’s like, “This is by Pestilence!” They’re like, “Argh!” They tore that shit up. Everybody was goin’ fuckin’ nuts. ■
“No, you can’t win an argument with a guitar riff.”
Twilight 2005 Album
(Southern Lord)
Blake:: This is lame black metal. It doesn’t have all the organs and stuff that I normally like.
J.R.: I just like that it sounds like they went to a lot of trouble to make it sound this crappy.
Blake: Yeah, the production is absolutely terrible.
JR: But I like it. It’s so bad that I like it, ‘cause it just makes everything, I dunno … it gives it kind of a creepy, you know, that creepy underground vibe that black metal is associated with?
Blake: I think the whole reason this group is a band is because the singer has wanted to sound like a tyrannosaurus rex since he was a child.
J.R.: This isn’t my type of music, but if I was really into black metal, this is the kind of shit that I would like. You know what I mean?
Blake: They’re going to be scary and dirty sounding, but it’s not either. I dunno. It doesn’t scare me very much.
J.R.: Maybe I just really like the artwork and I wanna like it really bad. I think the artwork’s pretty fuckin’ cool. This is why I don’t like black metal, though. [We] call these pirate riffs.
Blake: Like epic Braveheart gladiator style.
J.R.: Yeah. I hate those kind of riffs. They piss me off.
Blake: I really hate that band.
J.R.: Eh. Whatever. ■
Various Artists Back Against The Wall
(Purple Pyramid/Cleopatra)
Blake: Oh, so this is all these people from these different bands doing Pink Floyd stuff.
J.R.: Or, this is them doing the entire Wall album. Lame. But it says it’s “the ultimate Pink Floyd experience.” How can it be more ultimate than actual Pink Floyd? I mean, don’t you think that that’s not really possible? This is giving me hives.
Blake: What this is, is a bunch of guys whose music careers are over, trying to live vicariously through Roger Waters’ old balls.
J.R.: I mean, why do you … I don’t know. I’m sure it was fun for these guys, but nobody wants to hear these people play Pink Floyd, you know what I’m saying? Why do you want to hear somebody try to play David Gilmour that’s not David Gilmour? It’s pointless. It’s done well, but I mean … I don’t get it. I guess it’s just for people who have heard the originals too many times, and they need to shake it up a little bit. That’s the only reason this could possibly exist. Take it out. It’s fucking awful. ■
Why Are You Laugh Ultra Dolphins
(Robotic Empire)
Blake: I think the art rules, and this music is kinda charming in a way, but it … it’s too much like the Blood Brothers to me.
J.R.: Well, at least the vocals aren’t horribly out of key.
Blake: I definitely think anybody who’s into the stuff Robotic Empire puts out would definitely love this.
J.R.: The artwork is fuckin’ sweet, though. I dunno––what would you even call this? Are you talkin’ the Daughters type of shit? That kind of metrosexual pg.99 type of thing?
Blake: We weren’t metro. Fuck you.
J.R.: No, but I’m saying pg.99 is the dirty Sterling real thing. I’m talking about, like Blood Brothers––
Blake: This is whatever hardcore has evolved into. The new arty hardcore, it’s just a mishmash of a thousand different styles.
J.R.: It’s arty, but you know, there’s a lot of arty little fucking kids out there right now.
Blake: I know. That’s what I’m saying. This should be hugely popular. It’s better than Blood Brothers.
J.R.: Well, dude, what’s not better than Blood Brothers?
Blake: So is me taking a shit on my own bed.
J.R.: I’m surprised that their songs are this long. I think this would be a lot more interesting with cleaner vocals.
Blake: Actually, honestly, I think I could probably get into this.
J.R.: It’s good music. It’s like Dismemberment Plan, weird––I mean, they could be from D.C. Total D.C. sound, which is weird to say, but this is pretty cool stuff. Andy was definitely onto somethin’ putting it out.
Blake: It’s interesting as all hell.
J.R.: With the arrangements of the songs, I’m not convinced that they know where they’re going with them. The songs just don’t really …
Blake: I think that’s what’s kind of charming about it, though. It seems like … It feels pretty honest; it feels pretty young.
J.R.: Well, you know Andy Low’s not gonna put out a band with a bunch of fuckin’ chumps. I mean, I could listen to it and it could grow on me, but will I allow it to do that? Not when I have Deadboy And The Elephantmen to listen to, and the new Placebo album.
Blake: Right. I definitely don’t think I’d like to go see them play. I think their fans would be annoying. ■
