Disposable column: Musical Darwinism – 2002

Originally published in ‘zine issue #26, 2002

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with J.R. Hayes

I went “in the listening room” with J.R. and played him some records. Here are his first impressions of each …

Incantation Blasphemy
It’s hard to think of something interesting to [say] when there’s nothing interesting about the record. It’s death metal by the numbers, definitely. The production’s not bad. I don’t know how many records they have, but they’ve made this record before, there’s no doubt. If you like Incantation, you’ll like this record. ■

The Berzerker Disimmulate
The snare drum sounds like someone hitting a Folger’s coffee can with a fountain pen. The riffs aren’t bad. The production is really sloppy. The drums have less balls than Sandra Bernhardt. This band has no balls whatsoever. The weak point is definitely the drum machine if I had to pick one. ■

Alchemist Organasm
I definitely don’t like the vocals. The music’s got a little bit of atmosphere. These guys are idiosyncratic the way Atheist and Cynic is. They’re definitely different. It’s alright. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to say I’d buy it, but I’m definitely down with it. ■

Virgin Black Sombre Romantic
(The End)
It’s definitely different. I don’t know what they’re trying to do. Dude, violins and piano are so sad and depressing and dark. If there was a temple of shit, these would be its monks. Are you kidding me? Is this for real? This sounds like Pavarotti singing for some fake ass Norwegian black metal band. What the hell is evil and dark in Australia [where the band is from]? Don’t they sing about kangaroos and boomerangs? King Diamond would find this melodramatic. ■

Hate Cain’s Way
(World War III)
I’m so old and jaded. This could be the Incantation record for all I care. This is good for death metal, but who needs death metal anymore? This is two thousand and fuckin’ two. Whatever. If you’re really into death metal, this is more death metal for you. I don’t know what else to tell ya. It’s alright. I’m sure Satan is very proud. I mean, it’s better [than the last album] but it’s fuckin’ weak and fuckin’ unoriginal. ■


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